Robot Rampage Writing

This term we have been learning to write narratives. We used a video for inspiration. Here is my writing work. 

Narrative Writing Term 3 2017

Click on the link below to watch the story starter for this week.

http://success-for-boys.tki.org.nz/Teaching-learning-resources/Story-Starters/Runaway-Robot-Rampage

Story Starter = Runaway Robot Rampage

Your Name:SASHA

Story starter: Every weekend there was one Hemi job hated doing: Mowing the lawns. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Hemi could Build a robot to mow the lawns.

WALT: write a narrative that entertains or tells a story about people,places or events.
S.C:
Our Story will...
-have a title that captures our reader's interest
-Have an orientation/beginning that has a hook and establishes the setting and characters.
-Have a complication/problem that needs to be solved
-Have a conclusion where the problem is solved.
-Use interesting language, words, adjectives, language features such as similes, onomatopoeia
-plan our story so we know what to write about
-proof-read and edit
-make sure our sentences make sense
-use a range of punctuation
-Use some Te Reo Māori words

Planning

Title:	Washing To Go
Orientation/Beginning/Hook Characters	Millie-cheeky, smart and adventurous. Mike-Mean, annoyed Everyday there was one job Millie hated doing: Doing the Washing. She’d much rather be building her latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Millie could build a robot to do the washing.
Complication/Problem	The robot malfunctions and starts squirting washing soap and water everywhere and makes everyone in the town white.
Conclusion - How does the problem get solved?	Millie grabs all the towels she could find and creates a gigantic robot towel that wipes the town clean and captures the washing robot and was never to be seen again.
Language Simile (He was as tall as a giraffe/ She was like a wild, angry gorilla that had been released from its cage!) Onomatopoeia(sound words) Interesting Adjectives (describing words) Te Reo Māori.	The town was as white as snow. Squirt, squelch, poof, clutter, clamble, clank,bang Mā- white Māwhero-pink Swerved disappeared

Write Your Story Here

Washing To GO!

Everyday there was one job Millie hated doing: Doing the Washing. She’d much rather be building her latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Millie could build a robot to do the washing.

Millie had long brown hair and deep brown eyes. She is amazingly tall for her age and is as fast as lightning. Millie has dark olive skin and is kind to everyone.  At dinner Millie’s elder brother kept saying that her robot will fail and be a disaster. Millie was up all night “I’ll show you Mike, I can build a robot to do the washing,” she kept muttering to herself.  At the first sign of light through  the sheds window she raced out of the shed with her robot and  added the finishing touches of her robot in her bedroom. To make her robot she had found an old computer, granny’s wooden kokotoha (spoon), a fan that broke down a few years ago, a sheet off her bed, a couple of plastic squirter guns, a ginormous pākete (bucket), mums hair dryer, a ball of wool and a two arms of a doll.  

Millie carried it into the laundry room and switched on the on switch and the Robot sprang into life. It was buzzing around and there was the clinking and clanking of the kokotoha (spoon) and the arms in the pākete (bucket). There was a squelch and squirt from the water guns.  She left the robot on all day and went back to her shed to work on another robot.  A couple of hours later when Millie came back to grab some lunch she wandered past the laundry and saw her robot working away on the washing. After she had finished making her sandwich she peeped in and saw her robot was vibrating and was clunking and clanking. Millie ran in and turned off the robot but the switch was stuck. Suddenly the computer went whero (red) and it started going crazy! As quick as a flash of lightning it flew out the matapihi (window).

Millie ran out the front door with her sandwich still in her hand.  When she got outside, the town looked as if it had snowed overnight the residents of the town were opening their doors and getting squirted in the face with washing soap. Millie ran down the street (or tried to at least, the foam was so thick it was hard too) Millie caught up with the robot and didn’t know what to do. Suddenly she saw her sandwich in her hand and raced back home. When she got home she ran into the kitchen and grabbed all the towels she could find and ran to her shed. Millie sewed them together and scattered bread crumbs on the huge towel. If there was one thing the robot hated it was dirty towels….

She got the huge towel and draped it over her shoulders and jumped on her sled. Her  hair looked like a horse mane, she was going sooo fast and it was sooo windy  she couldn’t see where she was going.   When Millie reached her robot the town ahead was as white as snow the grabbed the towel off her shoulders and waved it in  the air. “Look here robot I have a dirty towel for you,” she screamed.  The robot suddenly jerked around to look at Millie and glanced at the crumb covered towel. It zoomed down to Millie at a tremendous speed. When the robot was only a few meters away she flung the towel over her robot and tied the corners together with a rubber band. Now her robot was finally caught, but there was one thing to do….

CLEAN UP!!!

After a week of cleaning up Millie set off to home to do something: DO THE WASHING!

How did you go?

What do you think you did well?  I did well in putting in interesting language and making the story interesting.

What could you work on next time?I need to work on putting in more similes.

Teacher Feedback:

Kia ora Sasha

I really enjoyed reading your story about the not so successful robot invention. It was good to see that your story had a clear beginning, problem and resolution. It was also great to see that you had used lots of interesting language and punctuation.

Your next step is to make sure you have clearly described everything in your story. For example you could have explained more about why the robot malfunctioned and what it was doing to the town. I also felt you could have explained how Millie turned her robot off once it was caught.

I also really enjoyed the humour in your story and the way it ended with Millie learning a bit of a lesson : )

Ka pai tō mahi tuhituhi.